Everyone says “Be yourself” but nobody really wants me to. Not family, not friends, and definitely not coworkers. Hell sometimes I don’t want to be myself.
Being yourself requires you to let go of any self conscious thought about what anyone has to say in any area of your life. Being yourself sometimes means pissing people off in order to stay true to one person and that’s you. Most of us aren’t willing to do that at the expense of our reputation, relationships, friendships or careers especially not our careers!
I am not myself at work because I’m forced to smile and converse when I just want to be left alone with my own thoughts and get paid while doing it. I’m not myself with my children because I don’t want them to know how broken mommy really is. I’m not myself with friends because I don’t want them to see how much I’ve really changed because if they did we probably wouldn’t be friends anymore. I’m not myself with family because I don’t want them to think more of me than I think of myself. Looking to me for answers and putting me on a pedestal that I am to clumsy to stand on.
Nobody wants me to be sarcastic yet kind, funny but serious, insecure but overly confident, helpful and critical, educated but learning, made up but feeling down, lazy but determined, excited about life with suicide ideation, selfish but giving, loner but lonely, friendly but antisocial, anxious but organized, sad also motivational, poor but hood rich, ghetto but getting better, bougie and ratchet at times, having a dark past with a bright future, transparent with secrets, creative and cussing, spirit filled and depressed, a skeptical believer at her finest…lol nobody really wants me to be her!
Everybody says “Be yourself” but nobody really means it making being alone even more special.