Before I let these things off my chest you were special to me and there are times I really miss but this plea to you won’t be sealed with a kiss
When you care for someone and you can’t see your life any other way but then years show you that tomorrow is gone and all we have is today
Parenting solo is nothing new to me but there are moments you’re missing out on that I wish you could see.
Teacher conferences and report card times I always have to run from school to school and I do best I can. I have the responsibility of teaching your boy how to be a man. His reading scores suffer all the while you worried about me, did you know that he did not even pass the third grade guarantee.
I bet you don’t know she runs track, I left work to be at every game she always check the stands and was proud when I shouted her name. Honor roll all school year, she’s such a good girl and she could be twice the lady if she had her daddy in her world.
They talk about you all the time and wish they saw you more. I allow myself to be the bad guy and never disclose the real reason you can’t walk through the door.
I know we been through hell but I never thought it would always be about me, I wish you could separate ya’ll from we. We buried one and I was hoping you step up, even when you hated me I helped you out when you were down on your luck. Talk about luck you are blessed but your luck is bad, on the most important day of his life the only one missing was dad.
I try to understand the issues you have faced and put myself in your shoes but I still believe no woman deserves to be abused. Not physically cause you can’t control her, not verbally because she won’t stay, I wish we could communicate better so we could teach the kids another way.
She acts just like you and her grades really improved this year, after losing a son, having another child with an illness was the one thing I feared. You know all about what she is going through because as a kid you did too, I wish you wouldn’t minimize everything this is serious, be a man come through.
I enabled you when I thought I was helping not requiring you to do much. I really hurt us all and being a real man requires you stand up… less you fall. If I just threw in the towel and was tired of being mom and dad too I would be called every dead beat in the book but raising a child on my own isn’t easy you don’t know how many prayers it took.
I am not here to put you down I just wanna explain my side as long as I have breathe in my body for my kids I will always ride.
You always tell me I’m a good mom and thanks for the job well done but I can live without your praises just take care of your son. Your son looks at me with the same look as you do how can I not wish it would have worked instead of finding someone new. Everything that got him here was all part of God’s plan I know I messed up and made you question yourself as a man. I’m sorry about that I will say it many more times but look at what we got from it God knew what he was doing and he took his time.
I am not the perfect parent and never said I was, I don’t hold a grudge against you, God is your judge. I see them growing up so fast and I just wish you were here. Strong independent woman I will always be but strong independent mother is not something I want them to see. I want them to see you here it’s not enough to be by the phone it’s time to put our past behind us soon the kids will be grown. There is so much more I can say to you but I will just leave it at this:
Mark 11:25 NIV
And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.